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Expectations Are Future Resentments?

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I heard a famous person in an interview say, “Expectations are future resentments…”  My initial reaction was absolute agreement.

But as I thought more, it occurred to me that some expectations are good?  What kind of world would we live in if nobody had any expectations of others?  We may not resent anyone, but nothing would likely EVER GET DONE!

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My next logical step (and I have also seen this in other places online) is UNREALISTIC Expectations are Future Resentments.  This one made much more sense to me.  If you expect something from someone that they have NO WAY to accomplish, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.  Disappointment when compounded will eventually turn into resentment toward that person.

But then I thought, “WHO DEFINES UNREALISTIC?”  Obviously it is unrealistic that I am going to win a gold medal in swimming in the Olympics.  EVER…  But for Michael Phelps, it is not unrealistic at all…  So who gets to define it?  The person doing the expecting?  The person who has the expectation put on them?  Unfortunately, these two people will likely NEVER have the same definition…

So, back to square one.

Then it hit me.  What is the key to any good relationship?  Communication.

Un-Communicated Expectations Are Future Resentments…

In order for resentment to occur the person placing the expectation did one of two things.

They told the person about the expectation, and they did not come through.  There are a lot of potential issues with this one, however, we don’t have time to address all the issues in one blog post, so we’ll just go to the next one…

OR

They did not tell the person about the expectation…

Here are a three reasons why people do not tell others about their expectations:

  • We over-estimated the perceptiveness of the person we put an expectation on.  

Some people are VERY PERCEPTIVE.  Others of us, not so much…  I have told my wife before, if you want something done, please tell me.  Unless I physically have to stand on the garbage can and jump up and down, I probably won’t notice that it needs taken out.  That is not an excuse to not notice anything.  Obviously it does me well to try and improve on my perceptiveness, and I suggest you do the same.

For the sake of this conversation though, we will focus on the one placing the expectation.  Anytime we assume that someone else will notice something without just flat out telling them, it is a dangerous.  Think about a time when you missed something that should have been obvious.  It happens, right?  Life is a circle of entering a ‘storm’, living in a ‘storm’, and exiting a ‘storm’.  It is really easy to get caught up in our own ‘storm’ and miss things that are seemingly obvious.

  • We take for granted the life experience/knowledge WE have.

Seemingly obvious is where we ended on at the end of the last paragraph.  Seemingly obvious is very subjective as well.  Obvious to one person can be oblivious to someone else.  Following the garbage example, maybe one of my wife’s jobs growing up was emptying the trash.  That makes her acutely aware that the trash is overflowing.  Every day for the first 18 years of her life, she has noticed the trash can… Made it a point to make sure it wasn’t overflowing…  Her life experience and the knowledge that she has has altered her perspective (for the better, I may add…)

I however did not have that same experience.  It is human nature to take for granted the knowledge and life experiences you have.  Which leads to the logical conclusion that other people have similar knowledge since it is such base level for us.  It just isn’t the case…

  • We under-estimate the character of the person we put an expectation on.

This may be the most damaging to the person you are placing the expectation on.  I know I have both done it and had it done to me.  Neither is a good feeling.  Unfortunately it does happen where we think that since a person has reacted or acted a certain way before that they will act the same way again.  Instead of communicating with them, we just know that they will not handle the ‘right’ (read OUR) way, so it is best to just stay quiet about it.  The problem with this is that, even though we make a conscience decision to not tell them, we still think they should know.  So the bitterness builds and builds…

At the end of the day, bitterness, resentment, anger, it all builds and builds…  Eventually there is a volcanic eruption.  Sometimes it can be fixed, other times, it can’t…

Did I miss anything?  If so, let me know…

 

What are the Black Lines Around My Baseboard?

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We have all been to someone’s house (maybe even our own) where you see those dark lines around the baseboard, and sometimes under doors that stay closed most of the time. They are rather unsightly, and can really be frustrating. The initial thought that goes through most people’s mind is that the homeowner just doesn’t vacuum enough. This may be true, but often it is not.

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Those lines are what are known as soil filtration lines. Soil filtration is caused as the furnace turns on and creates a vacuum that draws air to the HVAC system while pulling dirt from the air and trapping it in the carpet. It most often occurs in the area described above because those are the areas that allow air to flow through them.

Depending on how long the problem has existed and the amount of dirt present, it can be cleaned. Unfortunately, no matter how often you clean them, they will most likely come back. Sometimes, the problem can be fixed by pulling the carpet up and putting some type of sealant (like silicone) between the sub floor and wall framing. Most times, however, you do not know the problem will exist until the walls are finished, which makes it much more difficult to repair.

7 Questions to Ask Your Carpet Cleaner

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Before they clean in your home…

  1. Which method of carpet cleaning do you recommend?
  2. What kind of equipment do you use to clean carpet?
  3. What kind of cleaning agents do you use to clean carpet?
  4. What kind of training have you received in carpet cleaning?
  5. What kind of guarantees do you offer on your services?
  6. What kind of value do you add to your services that others do not?
  7. Do you have testimonials available that I could look or clients I could speak to?

If Jesus was here…

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The main focus I as a Christian should have is sharing the gospel of Christ.  The Good News of the Death, Burial, and Resurrection of Jesus.  How that by Jesus coming to this earth and dying on the cross for our sins, we have the opportunity to live forever with Christ in heaven.

We at the Central Baptist Church have been focusing a lot on the importance of our personal evangelism.  How spreading the gospel should be a FOCUS for each one of us.  During a discussion recently, it was brought up that much of our conversation to others on their need for salvation focuses on eternity.  This is absolutely true, and should be an important factor in a person’s decision to follow Christ and accept him into their heart as their personal Savior.  But what if we put more of a focus on the benefits of living a Christian life right now!?!  Would that help influence more to listen to the message?

Back to the title of this post, “If Jesus was here….” how awesome would that be?!?  I have never ran a poll on this, but my belief is that Jesus would be a top vote getter in the ole’ question: “If you could have lunch with one person past or present, who would it be?”  This post could go in the direction that we do have that opportunity through prayer (this is TRUE!), but not the direction I want to go in this conversation.

Instead, lets look at a group of people who had the opportunity to eat lunch with Jesus, his disciples.  For years, they followed Jesus around.  They listened to the parables.  They witnessed demons cast out of men and into pigs.  They walked next to the formerly lame.  They saw blind men gain their sight.  They talked to people who had not previously been able to speak.  (Now I’m starting to sound like a Christmas song) Though they experienced ALL THIS AND MORE, Jesus said to them, “Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away; for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you.” – John 16:7

Now there is some perspective.  The disciples did not want Jesus to leave, but He knew it was better for them if He did go.  Not just better “someday in the distant future”.  Better Today.  Better Tomorrow. Better for eternity.  Jesus wants to change our lives NOW, all we have to do is let Him work…

Diversifying My Content

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I have long tried to keep the content on this blog to certain areas of my life.  Everyone says niche down as specific as you can.  As a matter of fact, I have said that myself.  However, I have changed my mind.  From now on all the content I write, videos I make, and audio I record will be published to this website.  I have been working on a video to explain basic Snapchat functions, I have a bunch of carpet cleaning posts, and lots of marketing material that will be coming soon.  If none of that interests you, send me an email to tell me what might interest you (maybe I’ll write on that too)…

I recently heard Seth Godin say that everyone should blog everyday.  One of the biggest reasons why is because it causes you to live intentionally (which is a buzz word for my life these days).  If you know that you have to publish something today, you will be more aware of the things happening around you.  You will be more mindful of lessons that you can learn from everyday life.

Who needs an ACL?!

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On December 28, 2014 my co-ed indoor soccer career took a huge setback.  I wasn’t doing anything stupid (unless you are one of the people who think playing soccer at 35 is stupid).  I was just going up to head ball an airborne soccer ball.  There was nobody real close to me.  I didn’t get taken out by some genetically altered female (although that did happen to me in 5th grade).  I just landed on it funny.

<LOUD POPPING NOISE>

good aclbad acl(Thanks Orlin & Cohen for the images)

Suddenly my knee transformed, much to my dismay, from the top image to the bottom image.  I especially like the redness around the tear in the bottom image, it really gores it up!  I also tore the medial meniscus, just for good measure.

I will spare you all the details, but after many phone calls to doctors, health insurance, etc. I am in pre-op rehab.  I hope to have my surgery scheduled soon.

I know in my head that the Lord promised that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord… but my heart is having a tough time with it currently.  I know both sides of this conversation.  “Feel sorry for me, I’m on crutches” – “It could be worse, you could be in a wheelchair” – “I can’t do anything productive” – “There are a lot of things you can do sitting at a desk!”

I could go on and on.  However, each and every one of us has some version of this conversation in our head almost every day.  So, instead of feeling sorry for yourself or dismissing the feelings you have about your situation make a decision to look into the most important measurement in your life.

That 18 inches from my head to my heart…

 

 

 

6 Questions We Need to Ask Ourselves…

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This is a message that I was able to give at my church, the Central Baptist Church, in Finneytown, Ohio.  If you are in the Cincinnati, Ohio area, come on out, we would love to see you there!

Click to Listen: 6 Questions we need to ask ourselves

John 9. The Story of the Man Blind from Birth.

1) Do You Take the Time to See?

2) Do You Take the Time to See as Jesus Sees?

3) Are You Asking the Right Questions?

4) Are You Working to be the Light Where You Are?

5) Do You have Faith Like the Blind Man?

6) Doest Thou Believe on the Son of God?

A Testimonial for Financial Peace University

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Podcast Episode 2

Click to listen:  A Testimonial for Financial Peace University

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Truth 1:  People respect what is inspected.

Truth 2:  It is important to write things down.

Truth 3:  Tithes and offerings are the MOST important thing when it comes to money.

Truth 4:  Communication is the key ingredient in a successful marriage.

Truth 5:  It is important to stay GAZELLE intense.

Truth 6:  Fear hates community.

 

You can subscribe to the stephentknox.com blog on the home page.  All you have to do is put your email address into the box on the top right hand portion of the page and click on subscribe.

You can subscribe to the podcast through iTunes by searching “Stephen Knox” or click here.

To register for the upcoming FPU class at the Central Baptist Church click here.

For more information about the upcoming FPU class at the Central Baptist Church go to: www.financialpeacecincinnati.com

 

The Lesson I Learned (Most Recently) From My 8 Year Old Son

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Click this link to listen here: Podcast episode 1

This is an audio version of my blog today.  It is my first endeavor into podcasting.  I will give it my best go, because like the top of stephentknox.com says, “It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be.”

Recently my son, Brady, wanted to sing in church.  Now, this was not the first time he has sung in church before, and he has done a great job.  The fearlessness of many children (especially Brady) is awesome.  If you have not watched the videos posted with this, it is time to do so now.  To view the video click on the picture or “Brady Pass It On” under the picture below now.

Brady Pass It On

Now that you have seen the video, you have a pretty good idea of how proud I am of Brady.  I still get teary eyed when I watch it.  There are several lessons that are in that short video.

  1. Perseverance.  It would have been easy for Brady to crawl up in shell and stay seated.  He did not do it.  In fact he had no thought of doing that.  He wanted to go back up there right away.  He never said quit.
  2. Acceptance.  He did not place any blame.  Brady could have very easily blamed the piano player for continuing to play.  He could have blamed his parents for not letting him practice enough.  He could have blamed me for not prepping him for what to do if something went wrong.  He could have blamed everyone present for not ‘helping him out’.  He did not blame anyone.  He knew that he knew the words, he just started singing the wrong verse and couldn’t figure out how to get back on track.  He was not interested in blame, he just wanted to get back up there and do it again.
  3. Fearlessness.  You may not see it in this video, but he was not nervous to stand up and sing in church.  I love the fact that he is willing to put himself out there.  Even after his first attempt, he was still fearless.

Those are all great lessons that I could have learned from this experience, and I did.  However, the lesson I really learned is how to deal with the failure of my son.  I cannot tell you how much I wanted to keep him from going back up there.  I was so worried about him messing up again!  I wanted to protect him from further failure so much, that I almost taught him it was acceptable to quit.

It is our tendency as a parent, or any kind of leader for that matter, to protect those that are in our charge.  We would advise anyone that asked us that after a failure it is important to go back at it.  Get back up on that horse!  In the heat of the moment though, we want to protect them, give them a hug, tell them it’s okay, everyone messes up.  That is in fact what I did.  When he told me that he was going back up there, I told him, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Buddy.”  I told him that he could sing it again another week.  THAT WAS NOT ACCEPTABLE to him though.  He informed me, “I AM going back up there and singing it again.  I already told Bro. Phil I was.”

I reluctantly said, “Uhhh, ok.”  Looking back, I don’t think it would have mattered if I would have continued to say no.  He was determined!  I know now that no matter how badly I want to protect my kids and other people who are in my charge, I have to refrain from trying to protect them from MY fears.  Sometimes it is best to sit back, and let them do what they know is best.

Have you ever had to hold back from over protecting someone you lead?  If so, tell me about it in the comments.