Click this link to listen here: Podcast episode 1

This is an audio version of my blog today.  It is my first endeavor into podcasting.  I will give it my best go, because like the top of stephentknox.com says, “It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be.”

Recently my son, Brady, wanted to sing in church.  Now, this was not the first time he has sung in church before, and he has done a great job.  The fearlessness of many children (especially Brady) is awesome.  If you have not watched the videos posted with this, it is time to do so now.  To view the video click on the picture or “Brady Pass It On” under the picture below now.

Brady Pass It On

Now that you have seen the video, you have a pretty good idea of how proud I am of Brady.  I still get teary eyed when I watch it.  There are several lessons that are in that short video.

1. Perseverance.  It would have been easy for Brady to crawl up in shell and stay seated.  He did not do it.  In fact he had no thought of doing that.  He wanted to go back up there right away.  He never said quit.
2. Acceptance.  He did not place any blame.  Brady could have very easily blamed the piano player for continuing to play.  He could have blamed his parents for not letting him practice enough.  He could have blamed me for not prepping him for what to do if something went wrong.  He could have blamed everyone present for not ‘helping him out’.  He did not blame anyone.  He knew that he knew the words, he just started singing the wrong verse and couldn’t figure out how to get back on track.  He was not interested in blame, he just wanted to get back up there and do it again.
3. Fearlessness.  You may not see it in this video, but he was not nervous to stand up and sing in church.  I love the fact that he is willing to put himself out there.  Even after his first attempt, he was still fearless.

Those are all great lessons that I could have learned from this experience, and I did.  However, the lesson I really learned is how to deal with the failure of my son.  I cannot tell you how much I wanted to keep him from going back up there.  I was so worried about him messing up again!  I wanted to protect him from further failure so much, that I almost taught him it was acceptable to quit.

It is our tendency as a parent, or any kind of leader for that matter, to protect those that are in our charge.  We would advise anyone that asked us that after a failure it is important to go back at it.  Get back up on that horse!  In the heat of the moment though, we want to protect them, give them a hug, tell them it’s okay, everyone messes up.  That is in fact what I did.  When he told me that he was going back up there, I told him, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Buddy.”  I told him that he could sing it again another week.  THAT WAS NOT ACCEPTABLE to him though.  He informed me, “I AM going back up there and singing it again.  I already told Bro. Phil I was.”

I reluctantly said, “Uhhh, ok.”  Looking back, I don’t think it would have mattered if I would have continued to say no.  He was determined!  I know now that no matter how badly I want to protect my kids and other people who are in my charge, I have to refrain from trying to protect them from MY fears.  Sometimes it is best to sit back, and let them do what they know is best.

Have you ever had to hold back from over protecting someone you lead?  If so, tell me about it in the comments.

The story has been told many times, in many different ways.  I enjoy telling stories, but David Lee Roth can tell it better than I could dream about.  Watch the story, and read on.

I heard about this story growing up, and like many other people thought, “What a jerk”.  I still think it was a overboard to even cause $200 worth of damage.  I absolutely disagree with entertaining ‘temper tantrums’.

If, however, I were to go on with life and forget this story, I would be doing myself a great disservice.

David Lee Roth did not want to be embarrassed.  More importantly he likely did not want to be sued.  He wanted to provide an awesome experience for the crowd that followed his band.  He wanted to make sure that when people left the show he had just put on that they were happy.  He wanted his ‘tribe’ to buy copies of his music, t-shirts, and whatever else he could put his name on.

Like David Lee Roth, I want to do the same for the people I do business with.

David Lee Roth was able to accomplish this by creating a system where he was able to double check the people that were responsible for making his show a success.  As the old saying goes, “What gets measured, gets done.”

I am going to strive to take this example and create systems that ensure I am measuring the things that I want to get done.  I want to make sure that I do not cause myself or the people I work with embarrassment for something that can be avoided by creating a simple system.

If all you had to do is put a line in a contract that says, “NO BROWN M&Ms” to find out if you are being set up for success or failure, wouldn’t you do it?

Here is a video that I produced for my church, Central Baptist.  I have been blessed to have attended there my entire life.  We are experiencing a lot of positive changes.  I can truly say the Holy Spirit is moving, and would love to have you join us at our next service.  Feel free to leave a comment on this post or email me for further information (stephen@stephentknox.com).

An asset is a useful and desirable thing or quality. Everyone will have a different view on what their greatest asset is.

Personality? Money? Time? Beauty? Health?

The answers are endless.  Everyone has things about themselves that they like and value.  I am not going to say that those things are not important.  However, I believe that if you have this one asset, it will enhance all of your other assets.

The asset that I want to focus on in this writing is focus.  When a person does not focus, their world is limited.  They may be great at starting something, but can not finish.  If you do not finish things, what good are they?

I recently had a forced home remodel project.  I say forced, because I DID NOT WANT TO DO IT!  Unfortunately, there was water leaking, and unless I wanted a whole lot of other problems, I had to do something.  So, I started.  Slowly.  First, I just ripped out the tile flooring, but under that tile, was more tile.  After I got done to the wood subfloor, I realized that particle board had been used, and it was destroyed.  So I went a little deeper.  Before you know it, all that was left in my little bathroom was drywall and subfloor.  After a week or so off, I began to rebuild.  Let me tell you this, the bathroom looks 100% better now!  The only issues are:  1)the water supply line to the toilet was too short, so it is not getting any water and 2) the sink drain is not attached to the wall drain, so I am not able turn on the sink.

I have definitely lacked focus on the finishing of this project.  So what good is my bathroom?  Much to the disappointment of my wife, it is NO GOOD.

Here are a couple of ways to help the focus in your life:

• Set a timetable for completion.  If there were out of town guests coming into town that needed to use that restroom last week, I can guarantee I would have finished that project.  If I would have had a date set to make sure that I finished by a certain day, I would have found the focus to get the job done.  So, by next Monday, I will have the bathroom functional!
• Set a date and time to do the work.  In my defense, I did set one day aside to work on the project.  I did know that I would not have enough time in that day, so I should have set at least one other day.  So, this Sunday afternoon, I will work on the bathroom!

It is amazing how much more beautiful our world can be, with a little focus.

I read an interview with Seth Godin on the copyblogger site where Seth said that Opening doors for people who will open doors for people was his greatest success in life. I really hope to be able to say that someday. That will be on my goal list.

What is something that has been added to your goal list lately?

How does a high jumper know how high he can jump?  He keeps moving the bar up until he knocks it down.  Knocking that bar down is technically a failure.  He did not succeed in the goal he had of clearing that bar.

I have two boys.  They are 7 and 5.  I love them dearly, but they are not great basketball players.  My oldest, Brady (check out his website here) looks so awkward when he shoots it makes me laugh every time!  Now, I know he still have a lot to learn, but could I save him a lot of time and energy by telling him to stop playing now?  I hope you are thinking right about now that the logic I just typed is crazy.  Of course it is crazy.  You would never tell a child anything other than, “Keep practicing, you’ll get better!”

Why are you any different?  It is time to take some of your own advise.  Realize that the best were not the best when they started.  They kept practicing.  They got better everyday.  You will too.  There is nothing to fear in failure.  We have all been there, and hopefully will keep going there.  You will never know how great you can be until you raise that bar higher.

One way I try to ignore the fear of failure is to think what the worst case scenario would be.  Vocalize what the worst case is if you failed at what you are thinking about doing.  Will your family start hating you?  Will God disown you and turn His back on you?  Will you physically die?  The answer to all of those questions is most certainly no.  So, stop being afraid of a potential failure and ship it.

If you have never failed, you have never tried hard enough. (Tweet This)

What is something that you have failed at, that made you better?

I am not perfect.  If you ask my wife, I may act like it sometimes.  In fact, even though I know it is absurd, I may think it sometimes.

The problem with believing the lie of perfection is that it breeds procrastination.  It causes me to delay putting the work out there that I know I need to be putting out there.  Those delays often turn into never shipping the work at all.

Here are a few points I remember when I am trying to ignore the lie of perfection:

1. Nobody is perfect.  Nobody who has ever been on this earth (besides Jesus Himself) is perfect.  There is no reason to try to reach utter perfection because it is a destination that will not be reached.  I know some people will say that this is a dangerous mind-set to have, and it may not work for you.  For me, however, I find it a necessary ingredient to ship my work.
   
2. The goal is not finished.  The other end of the perfect line is finished.  I have to be careful of just pushing so hard that all I want to do is get finished.  Pushing just to get finished makes me get sloppy.  I do not want to ship slop.
3. Awesome is where I need to be.  Awesome is the point of the line where I strive to be.  I know that it not perfect, but I also realize it is not just finished.  It is awesome.  It is something that can be appreciated by the people I am shipping my work to.  It informs, inspires, and adds insight.  It is the best that I have, but it is not bogged down by trying to reach perfection.
4. Do NOT over think, ship.  With everything above in mind I remind myself to not over think the revisions.  There are times when I can spend so much time tweaking that I end up spinning my wheels only to come back to the original.  When I find myself having to search for things to change, I just ship it.  There are very few things in this world that can not be touched up after shipping.  Chances are you will find out that the work you have already done is exactly what your audience is looking for.

Do not believe the lie of perfection.  Doors that are open have a lot more people walk through them than doors that are locked.

What does the lie of perfection do to you?

There are some things that I am good at.  There are other things that I am bad at.  There are still other things that are just total time wasters.  So, why do I find myself doing time wasting things and things that I am really bad at all the time?

1. It is the most convenient thing to do.  Usually I find myself doing things that are time wasters because it is convenient.  It’s there, right next to me, calling my name, “Stephen, look at Facebook.”  I guess I should stop carrying my phone with me everywhere I go!?!
2. It is the way we are programmed.  From our youth we are told over and over to spend most of our time improving on the things we don’t do as well.  If you get a “C” in math and an “A” in Creative Writing the first thing you hear is, “WHY DID YOU GET A “C” in Math?!  Now don’t get me wrong, Math is important.  You should definitely apply yourself to do your best in everything you do.  Sometimes, however, I think it is best to take the things that we are good at, and continue to strengthen them.
3. We are afraid to be good.  I enjoy doing good projects and being recognized for it.  The thing about doing good is that it sets expectations.  It makes people expect your good to become better and your better to become best.  At some point we become afraid that we can’t meet other people’s expectations.  I heard a quote the other day, “Today’s expectations are tomorrow’s resentment”.  I disagree with that.  There is a difference between expectations and being over bearing.  Without expectations, whether on ourself or from others, we will never stretch and get better.  It is not the fault of those who have expectations of us when we fail.  Besides you only fail when you quit.

Now that I have covered some of the reasons why you do not do what you are best at, I have a challenge.

• Write the one or two things that you are best at and love to do.  It does not matter what it is.  Whether it is writing, helping others, playing piano, teaching, auto mechanics, or cleaning carpet; write it down.
• Write the reasons why you are not doing those things.
• Leave a comment on this blog, call your mom, brother, best friend, or anyone that can contact you and make a commitment to them.  Commit that you will eliminate the reasons you are not doing what you love and are best at one at time, every week until all of your excuses are gone.

Do you ever wonder why people do not understand what you are saying? Why the people you speak to do not move in the direction that is clearly best for them? Why your children seemingly ignore your wishes? One problem could be that you are not wearing your “audience goggles.”

Ok, so maybe you can’t go to Walmart and buy a pair of audience goggles. However, realizing the need to see things through the eyes of the people you are communicating to is important. It does not matter whether you are a marketer looking for a consumer or a mother teaching your child.

As cheesy as it may be, 99.9% of the people you meet listen to their favorite radio station “Wii fm” (What’s In It For Me?).  It does not always mean that they are being selfish, it is just the way humans are wired.  We are born with the instinct to think of ourselves first.

Very often we try to communicate reasons why we want people to do things.  In actuality we end up telling people why WE want them to do it.  The best way to communicate effectively is to tell them why THEY will want to do it.  I can tell my five-year old boy all day long that I want him to clean his room because I’m tired of looking at the mess, but that won’t really work.  He ultimately does not care what I am tire of.  What he really needs to hear is that HE should want to clean his room because once he is finished, we can go outside and play football.

Many businesses have the same problem.  A photographer may tell people he takes pictures.  While that is true, is that why his client hires him?  No, they hire him because they want to remember that particular event their whole lives, and be able to pass those memories on to future generations.

Anytime you are trying to convey a message to someone, try to look through the eyes of the person you are trying to reach.