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Expectations Are Future Resentments?

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I heard a famous person in an interview say, “Expectations are future resentments…”  My initial reaction was absolute agreement.

But as I thought more, it occurred to me that some expectations are good?  What kind of world would we live in if nobody had any expectations of others?  We may not resent anyone, but nothing would likely EVER GET DONE!

resentment

My next logical step (and I have also seen this in other places online) is UNREALISTIC Expectations are Future Resentments.  This one made much more sense to me.  If you expect something from someone that they have NO WAY to accomplish, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.  Disappointment when compounded will eventually turn into resentment toward that person.

But then I thought, “WHO DEFINES UNREALISTIC?”  Obviously it is unrealistic that I am going to win a gold medal in swimming in the Olympics.  EVER…  But for Michael Phelps, it is not unrealistic at all…  So who gets to define it?  The person doing the expecting?  The person who has the expectation put on them?  Unfortunately, these two people will likely NEVER have the same definition…

So, back to square one.

Then it hit me.  What is the key to any good relationship?  Communication.

Un-Communicated Expectations Are Future Resentments…

In order for resentment to occur the person placing the expectation did one of two things.

They told the person about the expectation, and they did not come through.  There are a lot of potential issues with this one, however, we don’t have time to address all the issues in one blog post, so we’ll just go to the next one…

OR

They did not tell the person about the expectation…

Here are a three reasons why people do not tell others about their expectations:

  • We over-estimated the perceptiveness of the person we put an expectation on.  

Some people are VERY PERCEPTIVE.  Others of us, not so much…  I have told my wife before, if you want something done, please tell me.  Unless I physically have to stand on the garbage can and jump up and down, I probably won’t notice that it needs taken out.  That is not an excuse to not notice anything.  Obviously it does me well to try and improve on my perceptiveness, and I suggest you do the same.

For the sake of this conversation though, we will focus on the one placing the expectation.  Anytime we assume that someone else will notice something without just flat out telling them, it is a dangerous.  Think about a time when you missed something that should have been obvious.  It happens, right?  Life is a circle of entering a ‘storm’, living in a ‘storm’, and exiting a ‘storm’.  It is really easy to get caught up in our own ‘storm’ and miss things that are seemingly obvious.

  • We take for granted the life experience/knowledge WE have.

Seemingly obvious is where we ended on at the end of the last paragraph.  Seemingly obvious is very subjective as well.  Obvious to one person can be oblivious to someone else.  Following the garbage example, maybe one of my wife’s jobs growing up was emptying the trash.  That makes her acutely aware that the trash is overflowing.  Every day for the first 18 years of her life, she has noticed the trash can… Made it a point to make sure it wasn’t overflowing…  Her life experience and the knowledge that she has has altered her perspective (for the better, I may add…)

I however did not have that same experience.  It is human nature to take for granted the knowledge and life experiences you have.  Which leads to the logical conclusion that other people have similar knowledge since it is such base level for us.  It just isn’t the case…

  • We under-estimate the character of the person we put an expectation on.

This may be the most damaging to the person you are placing the expectation on.  I know I have both done it and had it done to me.  Neither is a good feeling.  Unfortunately it does happen where we think that since a person has reacted or acted a certain way before that they will act the same way again.  Instead of communicating with them, we just know that they will not handle the ‘right’ (read OUR) way, so it is best to just stay quiet about it.  The problem with this is that, even though we make a conscience decision to not tell them, we still think they should know.  So the bitterness builds and builds…

At the end of the day, bitterness, resentment, anger, it all builds and builds…  Eventually there is a volcanic eruption.  Sometimes it can be fixed, other times, it can’t…

Did I miss anything?  If so, let me know…

 

Diversifying My Content

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I have long tried to keep the content on this blog to certain areas of my life.  Everyone says niche down as specific as you can.  As a matter of fact, I have said that myself.  However, I have changed my mind.  From now on all the content I write, videos I make, and audio I record will be published to this website.  I have been working on a video to explain basic Snapchat functions, I have a bunch of carpet cleaning posts, and lots of marketing material that will be coming soon.  If none of that interests you, send me an email to tell me what might interest you (maybe I’ll write on that too)…

I recently heard Seth Godin say that everyone should blog everyday.  One of the biggest reasons why is because it causes you to live intentionally (which is a buzz word for my life these days).  If you know that you have to publish something today, you will be more aware of the things happening around you.  You will be more mindful of lessons that you can learn from everyday life.

Who needs an ACL?!

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On December 28, 2014 my co-ed indoor soccer career took a huge setback.  I wasn’t doing anything stupid (unless you are one of the people who think playing soccer at 35 is stupid).  I was just going up to head ball an airborne soccer ball.  There was nobody real close to me.  I didn’t get taken out by some genetically altered female (although that did happen to me in 5th grade).  I just landed on it funny.

<LOUD POPPING NOISE>

good aclbad acl(Thanks Orlin & Cohen for the images)

Suddenly my knee transformed, much to my dismay, from the top image to the bottom image.  I especially like the redness around the tear in the bottom image, it really gores it up!  I also tore the medial meniscus, just for good measure.

I will spare you all the details, but after many phone calls to doctors, health insurance, etc. I am in pre-op rehab.  I hope to have my surgery scheduled soon.

I know in my head that the Lord promised that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord… but my heart is having a tough time with it currently.  I know both sides of this conversation.  “Feel sorry for me, I’m on crutches” – “It could be worse, you could be in a wheelchair” – “I can’t do anything productive” – “There are a lot of things you can do sitting at a desk!”

I could go on and on.  However, each and every one of us has some version of this conversation in our head almost every day.  So, instead of feeling sorry for yourself or dismissing the feelings you have about your situation make a decision to look into the most important measurement in your life.

That 18 inches from my head to my heart…

 

 

 

You Are the Reason

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Personal Responsibility is a hot topic these days.  It does not matter what side of the political fence you are on, everyone wants other people to be more accountable to themselves.  By very definition, this is the wrong way to look it.  The easiest faults to see in others are gaps in integrity.  The truth is that you can only change yourself, no matter how hard you try to change others.

So, why should you want to be more personally responsible?  I have two reasons why I want to take more responsibility in my life.

  1. My irresponsibility will eventually become someone else’s responsibility.  The government and current welfare system is a great example of this fact.  There are people out there that really need some short-term help to get on their feet.  There are others that require a lifetime of help due to illness, injury, or another long-term issue.  However, there are many people out there that just enjoy sitting at home without a job taking advantage of a system that can not possibly police itself.  When someone fails to pull their own weight, someone else has to pay the way for them.  I do not want for my responsibilities to fall onto someone else.
  2. I know that we are all designed for greatness.  Every single one us are made to do great things.  It is why we were created, why we are drawn to movies about super heroes, why we read books where the underdog wins over the better equipped.  We want to be someone’s hero.  We ARE designed to be better than we can imagine.

“Everybody is a genius.  But, if you judge a fish by his ability climb a tree, it’ll spend its whole life believing it is stupid.”

– Albert Einstein

Personal Responsibility begins with finding the right answers.  The right answers can not be found without first asking the right questions.  In my opinion there are is only one good question:  HOW (or what) can I (or other personal pronoun) ACTION VERB to IMPROVE (whatever your subject matter is)?  If you ask questions that start with why, when or who it zaps your ability to do what needs to be done.

It is much easier to wonder when someone else will do something to help your situation than it is to get up and do something for your self.  I want to make sure everyday I get to be on this earth, I do the best I can to acknowledge that I am where I am because of what I do, and only I can change that.

In light of this post, I guess the title should be: I am the reason.

What can I do to make my life better?

The Death of Productivity

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Productivity is defined as the quality, state, or fact of being able to generate, create, enhance, or bring forth goods and services.  (thank you dictionary.com)  I, like most people, enjoy being productive.  Unfortunately, however, it is easy to kill productivity.

Photo Courtesy of Jo Naylor

The death of productivity can be carried out in many different ways.  A few of my favorite ways are:

  • My iphone and ipad.   Just like any tool, it can be used for good or for bad.  I use my i devices for good in many different ways.  I use it to read my Bible, to stay up to date on all of my favorite blogs, to manage my contacts, to keep track of thoughts and future blogs, to manage my appointments (both professionally and personally), to research items of interest, and a score of other good ways.  On the other side of that coin, I look at it too much.  I look at facebook, twitter, other social media apps, play games, and read meaningless email way too much.  I am trying to make an intentional effort to stop doing this and be where I am.
  • Busy work.  I know this one may not seem correct.  I know that most of the time work, even busy work can be productive.  If it needs to be done, it needs to be done.  I often times find myself doing busy work as an excuse to avoid doing something I really should be doing, just to say I am being productive.  In actuality, I am killing productivity by avoiding the things that may be a little more tough, but will bring me to my goals much faster.
  • Perfection.  This is a big one for me.  I have been afraid to do many things through my life, because I knew that it would not be perfect.  I knew there was no way that I could live up to my own expectations.  I had always been taught that anything worth doing is worth doing right.  This statement is true.  However, it doesn’t have to be right the first time.  Think of anything that you are good at.  Got it?  Ok, now think back to the first time you did that activity.  Was it right?  Was it perfect?  I would like to amend the above statement to be, “Anything worth doing, is worth messing up at least once.”  That is the only way people learn, by messing up.  Very few people ever reach perfection in anything.  It is a great goal to have.  ‘Good enough’ is what you need to get started.
There are a lot of other things that kill productivity, but these are my favorites.  My goal is to start down the road to eliminating these productivity killers as quickly as I can.  I am going to start updating this page more consistently.  Since I wrote that down, I have to do it now…
What is killing your productivity?

Welcome to my blog…

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After a couple of failed attempts at blogging in the past, Michael Hyatt’s new book (Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World) has inspired me to make it happen this time.  The blog will be a work in progress.  I haven’t even decided on an overall theme.

What I do know are some of the reasons why I am starting a blog.

  • Organize my thoughts.  I listen to a lot of audiobooks and read several blogs daily.  These inputs give me many ideas.  I need an output for these thoughts.
  • Practice my writing.  I have not written anything of any significance since my one year stint in college.  Quite honestly, that wasn’t stellar.
  • Teach and help others.  I believe that the lessons I have learned over my years can be a help to others.  As a wise man once said, “A smart person learns from his own mistakes, but a truly wise person learns from other people’s mistakes.”
What are some of the reason’s why you blog? or should blog?