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Your Greatest Asset

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An asset is a useful and desirable thing or quality. Everyone will have a different view on what their greatest asset is.

Personality? Money? Time? Beauty? Health?

out of focus

The answers are endless.  Everyone has things about themselves that they like and value.  I am not going to say that those things are not important.  However, I believe that if you have this one asset, it will enhance all of your other assets.

The asset that I want to focus on in this writing is focus.  When a person does not focus, their world is limited.  They may be great at starting something, but can not finish.  If you do not finish things, what good are they?

I recently had a forced home remodel project.  I say forced, because I DID NOT WANT TO DO IT!  Unfortunately, there was water leaking, and unless I wanted a whole lot of other problems, I had to do something.  So, I started.  Slowly.  First, I just ripped out the tile flooring, but under that tile, was more tile.  After I got done to the wood subfloor, I realized that particle board had been used, and it was destroyed.  So I went a little deeper.  Before you know it, all that was left in my little bathroom was drywall and subfloor.  After a week or so off, I began to rebuild.  Let me tell you this, the bathroom looks 100% better now!  The only issues are:  1)the water supply line to the toilet was too short, so it is not getting any water and 2) the sink drain is not attached to the wall drain, so I am not able turn on the sink.

I have definitely lacked focus on the finishing of this project.  So what good is my bathroom?  Much to the disappointment of my wife, it is NO GOOD.

Here are a couple of ways to help the focus in your life:

  • Set a timetable for completion.  If there were out of town guests coming into town that needed to use that restroom last week, I can guarantee I would have finished that project.  If I would have had a date set to make sure that I finished by a certain day, I would have found the focus to get the job done.  So, by next Monday, I will have the bathroom functional!
  • Set a date and time to do the work.  In my defense, I did set one day aside to work on the project.  I did know that I would not have enough time in that day, so I should have set at least one other day.  So, this Sunday afternoon, I will work on the bathroom!

It is amazing how much more beautiful our world can be, with a little focus.

in focus

Imitating our Leaders

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Just like an oak tree will grow from another oak tree, so will we imitate the behaviors of our leaders.  That will include the bad points as well as the good points.  As a leader, I have to be intentional about how I lead others.  I need to make sure that I concentrate on doing things the right way, so that the people I lead will follow suit.

There are a lot of different kinds of leadership styles.  Some leaders are quiet, others are very vocal.  Some leaders listen to the people they are leading, while others do not think they need input.  All of the different methods come down to two paths:  Effective Leadership and Non-Effective Leadership.  I want to strive to be the effective leader.

There is another side to the coin as well.  Leaders, no matter how effective they are, are human.  They make mistakes.  They do things that they wish they had not done.  As a person being led, I too need to be intentional in the way I do things.  When a leader of mine makes mistakes, it is my responsibility to learn from their mistakes.  I do not want to use the excuse that I was just acting like my leader does.  I have to be separate the good habits and bad habits of my leaders.  I need to take the bad habits of those that lead me and change them into good habits for the people who I lead.  It is definitely not the easiest thing to do, but it is essential in the growth of my leadership abilities.

 

What are some bad habits of a leader you follow that you have been able to change into good habits for the people who follow you?

Why You Should Not Be Afraid of Failure

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How does a high jumper know how high he can jump?  He keeps moving the bar up until he knocks it down.  Knocking that bar down is technically a failure.  He did not succeed in the goal he had of clearing that bar.

high jump

I have two boys.  They are 7 and 5.  I love them dearly, but they are not great basketball players.  My oldest, Brady (check out his website here) looks so awkward when he shoots it makes me laugh every time!  Now, I know he still have a lot to learn, but could I save him a lot of time and energy by telling him to stop playing now?  I hope you are thinking right about now that the logic I just typed is crazy.  Of course it is crazy.  You would never tell a child anything other than, “Keep practicing, you’ll get better!”

Why are you any different?  It is time to take some of your own advise.  Realize that the best were not the best when they started.  They kept practicing.  They got better everyday.  You will too.  There is nothing to fear in failure.  We have all been there, and hopefully will keep going there.  You will never know how great you can be until you raise that bar higher.

One way I try to ignore the fear of failure is to think what the worst case scenario would be.  Vocalize what the worst case is if you failed at what you are thinking about doing.  Will your family start hating you?  Will God disown you and turn His back on you?  Will you physically die?  The answer to all of those questions is most certainly no.  So, stop being afraid of a potential failure and ship it.

If you have never failed, you have never tried hard enough. (Tweet This)

What is something that you have failed at, that made you better?

The Lie of Perfection

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I am not perfect.  If you ask my wife, I may act like it sometimes.  In fact, even though I know it is absurd, I may think it sometimes.

welcome to perfection

The problem with believing the lie of perfection is that it breeds procrastination.  It causes me to delay putting the work out there that I know I need to be putting out there.  Those delays often turn into never shipping the work at all.

Here are a few points I remember when I am trying to ignore the lie of perfection:

  1. Nobody is perfect.  Nobody who has ever been on this earth (besides Jesus Himself) is perfect.  There is no reason to try to reach utter perfection because it is a destination that will not be reached.  I know some people will say that this is a dangerous mind-set to have, and it may not work for you.  For me, however, I find it a necessary ingredient to ship my work.
  2. The goal is not finished.  The other end of the perfect line is finished.  I have to be careful of just pushing so hard that all I want to do is get finished.  Pushing just to get finished makes me get sloppy.  I do not want to ship slop.
  3. Awesome is where I need to be.  Awesome is the point of the line where I strive to be.  I know that it not perfect, but I also realize it is not just finished.  It is awesome.  It is something that can be appreciated by the people I am shipping my work to.  It informs, inspires, and adds insight.  It is the best that I have, but it is not bogged down by trying to reach perfection.
  4. Do NOT over think, ship.  With everything above in mind I remind myself to not over think the revisions.  There are times when I can spend so much time tweaking that I end up spinning my wheels only to come back to the original.  When I find myself having to search for things to change, I just ship it.  There are very few things in this world that can not be touched up after shipping.  Chances are you will find out that the work you have already done is exactly what your audience is looking for.

Do not believe the lie of perfection.  Doors that are open have a lot more people walk through them than doors that are locked.

What does the lie of perfection do to you?

Defining Who You Are Not

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The world we live in tries very hard to define who a person is. It tries to put you in a box. Certainly it is beneficial for a person to operate in their strengths, but I can never grow by staying in my box. I want to clearly define somethings that you are not in this post. Defining who you are without limits is up to you. Take off the mask that is covering your true self.
masks
You are not afraid. Fear is a natural reaction. It is natural to feel fear. Fear, however, is not who you are. You are not afraid, any more than you are a broken finger. You may have a broken finger, but you are not the broken finger. You may be experiencing fear, but you are not afraid. You can beat it. How do you conquer fear?
  1. Acknowledge it for what it is. Fear is a state of being that can be overcome. Admit that you have fear regarding the situation that is affecting you.
  2. Break the fear down. What is the worst possible thing that can happen as a result of your fear. Many times just stating what the worst thing that can happen as a result will get you to realize that the worst is not that bad. On the flip side, what is the best thing that can happen as a result of overcoming your fear. If realizing the worst thing is not that bad does not work, seeing the best far exceeds the worst will convince you.
  3. Believe you can overcome your fear. Have faith that you are stronger than the fear you are experiencing. Know that the fear you are experiencing is temporary and can be overcome.
  4. Overcome. Easier said than done, I know. Face your fear head on, and overcome it!
You are not a failure. Failure can be devastating if you let it consume you. If you accept that you are a failure it will make you stop. Instead, make the decision to say that the failure you experienced is temporary, stand back up, and restart the work.
You are not a fraud. Being called a fraud or fake is one of the biggest things that has kept me from stretching myself in all the areas of my life. Something in my head tells me that I am not old enough, smart enough, or have enough experience to do what I want to do. I am making a conscious decision to tell myself that none of that matters. I do not need permission from anyone except myself to step out of my comfort zone. Believing the voice in your head is believing that you are a fraud. The voice in your head is not yours and is not correct.
You are not your creation. The things that you create should not define you. You should be defined as a creator, not the thing that you create. Moving to the goals that you have requires constant creation. If you let the art you have created in the past define you, even if they are GREAT creations, you will get stuck living in the past. There is a reason the rear view mirror is so small.
What are some things that you are NOT that you struggle with?

Four Ways to Make Your Resolutions Stick

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Every year countless people (me included) come up with New Years resolutions only to have them fall by the wayside in a month or less.  This can be very discouraging, so I have come up with four to help make your resolutions easier to maintain.
duct tape
 1. Believe you can do it.  It is generally easy to come up with your resolutions.  Everybody knows what they need to do to become better at whatever it is that they desire to be better at.  The hard part is not knowing what to do, the hardest thing is doing it.  The first step in actually doing it is believing that it is possible.  If you begin your resolution thinking in the back of your head that it will never last, you will be right.  As Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t – you’re right.”  It starts deep down in your heart.  If you do not truly believe it, don’t make it a resolution or change your thinking!
 2. Write them down and put them in a place where you will see them regularly.  I have written before about the importance of writing goals down, the principles are the same.  You can find that post here.
3. Involve an outside accountability partner.  It does not matter who your accountability partner is.  It can be a spouse, a friend, minister, trainer or a complete stranger for that matter.  The key is that they are willing to hold you accountable.  They have to be strong enough to call you out when you make excuses.  We all have reason for not doing things.  Sometimes they are even valid.  If you want to lose weight, hire a trainer that is going to be calling you to make sure you are showing up.  If you are like me, when you put money on the table, you will be sure to use the service because who wants to waste money!?!  If you do not want to hire a trainer, enlist someone to work out with.  If you know someone is waiting on you, you are far less likely to leave them hanging.
4. Create a system that will help you succeed.  Now that you have an accountability partner, have written down your resolutions, put them on your bathroom mirror, and believe that you can do it, it is time to create systems that will help you to succeed.  Staying with the weight loss analogy, pack your lunch.  If you leave your house to go to work without a nutritious lunch packed when it becomes noon time you will go back to old faithful (for me this is a McDouble with no mustard from McDonalds).  That is not going to help you lose weight.  Instead of parking right by the front door at the office, park at the back of the lot, so you have no choice but to walk those extra steps.  Use the steps instead of the elevator.  The important thing is to change your behavior and to create systems around your resolutions that will help you succeed.
Remember, if you do fall, it is only considered a failure if you do not get back up.
What are some processes that you have used to make your resolutions stick?

You Are the Reason

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Personal Responsibility is a hot topic these days.  It does not matter what side of the political fence you are on, everyone wants other people to be more accountable to themselves.  By very definition, this is the wrong way to look it.  The easiest faults to see in others are gaps in integrity.  The truth is that you can only change yourself, no matter how hard you try to change others.

So, why should you want to be more personally responsible?  I have two reasons why I want to take more responsibility in my life.

  1. My irresponsibility will eventually become someone else’s responsibility.  The government and current welfare system is a great example of this fact.  There are people out there that really need some short-term help to get on their feet.  There are others that require a lifetime of help due to illness, injury, or another long-term issue.  However, there are many people out there that just enjoy sitting at home without a job taking advantage of a system that can not possibly police itself.  When someone fails to pull their own weight, someone else has to pay the way for them.  I do not want for my responsibilities to fall onto someone else.
  2. I know that we are all designed for greatness.  Every single one us are made to do great things.  It is why we were created, why we are drawn to movies about super heroes, why we read books where the underdog wins over the better equipped.  We want to be someone’s hero.  We ARE designed to be better than we can imagine.

“Everybody is a genius.  But, if you judge a fish by his ability climb a tree, it’ll spend its whole life believing it is stupid.”

– Albert Einstein

Personal Responsibility begins with finding the right answers.  The right answers can not be found without first asking the right questions.  In my opinion there are is only one good question:  HOW (or what) can I (or other personal pronoun) ACTION VERB to IMPROVE (whatever your subject matter is)?  If you ask questions that start with why, when or who it zaps your ability to do what needs to be done.

It is much easier to wonder when someone else will do something to help your situation than it is to get up and do something for your self.  I want to make sure everyday I get to be on this earth, I do the best I can to acknowledge that I am where I am because of what I do, and only I can change that.

In light of this post, I guess the title should be: I am the reason.

What can I do to make my life better?

Are You Doing What You Are Best At?

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There are some things that I am good at.  There are other things that I am bad at.  There are still other things that are just total time wasters.  So, why do I find myself doing time wasting things and things that I am really bad at all the time?

  1. It is the most convenient thing to do.  Usually I find myself doing things that are time wasters because it is convenient.  It’s there, right next to me, calling my name, “Stephen, look at Facebook.”  I guess I should stop carrying my phone with me everywhere I go!?!
  2. It is the way we are programmed.  From our youth we are told over and over to spend most of our time improving on the things we don’t do as well.  If you get a “C” in math and an “A” in Creative Writing the first thing you hear is, “WHY DID YOU GET A “C” in Math?!  Now don’t get me wrong, Math is important.  You should definitely apply yourself to do your best in everything you do.  Sometimes, however, I think it is best to take the things that we are good at, and continue to strengthen them.
  3. We are afraid to be good.  I enjoy doing good projects and being recognized for it.  The thing about doing good is that it sets expectations.  It makes people expect your good to become better and your better to become best.  At some point we become afraid that we can’t meet other people’s expectations.  I heard a quote the other day, “Today’s expectations are tomorrow’s resentment”.  I disagree with that.  There is a difference between expectations and being over bearing.  Without expectations, whether on ourself or from others, we will never stretch and get better.  It is not the fault of those who have expectations of us when we fail.  Besides you only fail when you quit.

Now that I have covered some of the reasons why you do not do what you are best at, I have a challenge.

  • Write the one or two things that you are best at and love to do.  It does not matter what it is.  Whether it is writing, helping others, playing piano, teaching, auto mechanics, or cleaning carpet; write it down.
  • Write the reasons why you are not doing those things.
  • Leave a comment on this blog, call your mom, brother, best friend, or anyone that can contact you and make a commitment to them.  Commit that you will eliminate the reasons you are not doing what you love and are best at one at time, every week until all of your excuses are gone.

Look Through the Eyes of Those You Are Trying to Reach

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Do you ever wonder why people do not understand what you are saying? Why the people you speak to do not move in the direction that is clearly best for them? Why your children seemingly ignore your wishes? One problem could be that you are not wearing your “audience goggles.”

Ok, so maybe you can’t go to Walmart and buy a pair of audience goggles. However, realizing the need to see things through the eyes of the people you are communicating to is important. It does not matter whether you are a marketer looking for a consumer or a mother teaching your child.

As cheesy as it may be, 99.9% of the people you meet listen to their favorite radio station “Wii fm” (What’s In It For Me?).  It does not always mean that they are being selfish, it is just the way humans are wired.  We are born with the instinct to think of ourselves first.

Very often we try to communicate reasons why we want people to do things.  In actuality we end up telling people why WE want them to do it.  The best way to communicate effectively is to tell them why THEY will want to do it.  I can tell my five-year old boy all day long that I want him to clean his room because I’m tired of looking at the mess, but that won’t really work.  He ultimately does not care what I am tire of.  What he really needs to hear is that HE should want to clean his room because once he is finished, we can go outside and play football.

Many businesses have the same problem.  A photographer may tell people he takes pictures.  While that is true, is that why his client hires him?  No, they hire him because they want to remember that particular event their whole lives, and be able to pass those memories on to future generations.

Anytime you are trying to convey a message to someone, try to look through the eyes of the person you are trying to reach.